Engineering at its Finest

Almost everything around us has had some sort of engineer involved with it. The computer you are reading this one obviously has had an engineers touch. The desk it is sitting on probably has some man made materials and fasteners, the house which houses the desk. But what about the less obvious things.... Like a toilet.

Sure, John Crapper came up with it, but this is not your great-grandma's toilet. Today's toilets are engineers to carry thier burden on less water and with quicker refill times while being as pleasing to the eye as possible. A lot of though goes into your toilet, so I would like to give toilets some thought.

I have notice there are two main types of toilets, the commercial and the residential. Residential toilets sometimes show up in commercial setting, but almost never the other way around.

The commercial jobbers are tankless, and rely on the systems water pressure to swoop the foul away. This makes for a loud flush and a wet courtesy flush. Furthermore, commercial toilets rarely have a complete seat, mainly for us careless men to not leave puddles.... All in all, commercial toilets are fairly standard. They do very in bowl size and shape, but for the most part are all the same.

residential toilets, however, are a vastly different beast. Some are tankless, some are not. Most have the full seat, and come in a million different shapes, sizes and colors. It is in their performance that we will classify them.

First is the "wooshers". These are the toilets equipped with the latest in atmospheric pressurized guts, making it a low water volume, high pressure, high speed flush. No romance, just straight to the pipes. I find this flush unsatisfying as it often doesn't get everything and often leave streaks. Also, and disaster makes itself know too quickly to avoid. To me, this is the low end of the family.

Next is the "waders". These are high water volume, low pressure, low speed flush. These are the ones that make you anxious when you flush, as the bowl fills and fills and fills and fills until it suddenly starts to drain, taking everything with it. This one offers no chance for rescue either and offers too much chance for clogs.

Next the is the "swoosh". Which is basically opening the gate to whatever water is in the bowl and hoping for the best. This one is only marginally better than the rest, as it offers plenty of opportunity to rescue a flush gone a rye, however, like the other, it leaves you wanting... A second flush.

Finally is the king of flushers, the "whirlpool". This glorious flush pull the existing water while adding more into the bowl to not only pull the matter but push as well. This allows for a nice full volume flush and little chance of clogs. This is the superior flush.

Okay, somewhat vulgar, though enjoyable. But think about it for a second. College educated engineers who work for fixture companies have to define the process by which waste is evacuated from a toilet bowl. So next time an engineer talks to you like you are an intellectual inferior, remember that they belong to a society of people who design toilets.