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It's strange I think what the schools chose not to teach you. They have classes about welding, how to paint a car, ancient history, health and sex education. But the one thing they chose not to teach you is the once thing that every single person has in common; the one thing that all of us will have to deal with at least once in our lives, and that is death.
There was no course on how to comfort the grief stricken. Tell me, how do you comfort a child who has lost a parent when, by God's good graces, you have never felt that loss? How do you comfort them when they realize the finality of it? How do you comfort them when they have been in the room with the reaper? They passed each other at the threshold. It seems like a small error now could make a huge problem in the future and there has been no training on avoiding those errors.
There was no course on how to deal with your own grief, your owns feeling of loss. How to feel about what has happened or how to express those feels. How long should you feel bad or how bad you should feel?
There was no course on the business of death. Where you go to take care of your business. How do you go about getting the survivor benefit from social security? Do you have to get legal contracts with the deceased amended? How do you go about finding out what you don't know about final expenses and inheritances? Death certificates?
Finally, how do you deal with the guilt? I am not experienced at this, but it would seem that most people don't have the chance to settle up before the sickle swings, and when that is the case there are bound to be things that you regret doing and you are disappointed with yourself and sad that you had behaved such.
In the end, it may be that the only one who is truly at peace after a death is the deceased, but society ill prepares us to deal with the very thing that we are assured to meet in our life.
In our house, sadly this lesson has been trust upon us, but if you have not already, before you give the lesson of the birds and bees give the lesson of life and death. Not the religious aspect but the hard crule realities, fill the void in their education.
Knownledge is power... give them the power protect themselves.
2 Comments:
No one can be protected from death, Jake. All deaths are unique- the only thing they have in common for those left living is that all deaths are attended by grief and guilt. You are doing your heartfelt best for your children. What more can you do?
10:54 PM
Thinking of all of you...
Wishing I had the answers.
9:24 AM
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