epiphany in an old Dodge Dart
I drove my Dodge Dart to work the other day. A guy here paints cars in his free time and he was giving me an estimate. Naturally it was more than the car was worth.
As I was riding home I thought to myself. Mostly because I have yet to figure out how to think to someone else and the car has no radio. I asked myself what it is that I really want to do with myself. What is it that I really want to become. Deep thoughts for freezing your ass off driving a 38 year old car that may or may not stop when you press the brakes. But still, I queried myself and came up with an answer.
I want to be really, really good at something.
Well,... duh. Who doesn't? I have to admit that this was a shockingly conceited revelation. Why do I want to be really, really good at something? So that people will oooh and aaah at what I have done and pat me on the back while wearing an expression of admiration.
What? Not for self satisfaction? Oddly, that would be the satisfaction. I think that if I did something marvelous and people admired it, I would take great satisfaction in that. A natural thought, I thought... Is that gas fumes I am smelling?
Anyway, so all I had to do then is figure out what it is I want to be really, really good at. To this I identified two major stumbling blocks.
1. I have always been quick to success in my endeavours. In this, I rarely have had to persivere and such am not sure that I have that skill in my toolbox. Although the aspect of obtaining it is quite alluring, I am not a stranger to frustration and abandonment of projects. Building a skill will take time and patience, which leads me to number 2.
2. I have become quite impressed with myself at how I have become more patient that I once was, but it still isn't one of my strong suits. To that, when my mind is set I like to be able to knock the job out and be done with it. If I have to string it along.. well, see no. 1. Which begs the question, what would delay my progress? Time and Money.
Okay, so everyone has thouse problems, so that is something that everyone must overcome to be really, really good at something. So we can omit half of that one as a obstacle. So that leaves us time and patience. Well, maybe they sell them on e-bay. Is ice supposed to be forming on the visor?
Ability? Ok, conceit warning, properly trained I can do anything. So maybe that should have been stunmbling block #3... no, not conceit... training. Where do you get training to be really, really good at something around here. If you just do it yourself, you will never go beyond yourself and reach your potential. So, what to do??? Please hold while I narrowly miss and non-moving object I saw a mile ago and still haven't been able to slow the car to miss.
Ok, after checking my shorts, I decided that I would take a page from Stephen King. No, no RedRum for me... I prefer to take my wisdom from one of his less disturbing works, the Shawshank Repemtion. Andy said it just before he made his escape. "Get busy living, or get busy dying".
I have no intention of dying within the next 40 years or so, so that leaves me no other choice. To shed my inhibitions and get off my ass and do something. What? How should I know.
I will tell you this though... I sold the Dart. Clean my garage. And am waiting for another epiphany to lead me to where I am going.
Until then, I will leave you with a quote from our good friend H.I. "Or maybe it was Utah."
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